How to cope in the first months after a breakup and get over it.

When you are in a relationship with someone that you love they become part of your life every day. So suddenly losing this person after a breakup leaves a major hole not just in your heart but your daily schedule too.

You can no longer call them to chat, text them when you see something funny and your going out plans have to change because you don’t have them to rely on them as your backup to hang out with like you normally would. And you need to start a process of finding yourself again, remembering how you went about your life before them and finding new ways to fill your time.


Cosmopolitan’s Anna Breslaw and Carina Hsieh advise creating an ex free environment around you and avoiding all contact to give you time to heal. Keeping in touch with your ex right after you break up can make the healing process harder, as you will constantly hope you can get them back or focus on revenge rather than rebuilding yourself. In order to avoid these unhealthy thoughts, ask for help from your friends to take you out and take your mind off them or even to take away your phone so you can’t drunk text them late at night.

Of course it’s quote normal for you to need closure after the breakup and the impulse is to call your ex and talk it through, but more often than not this will leave you even more upset than before or lead to another fight.

Instead, Rachael Schultz advises healing yourself in ways that don’t involve your ex, like discussing the situation with a friend, who can give you an outsider’s perspective of what went wrong and taking up a new hobby to replace the time your ex would take in your day to day life. Going to the gym to release the frustration and taking as much time as you need are also important to get you back on your feet and help you move on with your ex free life.

No matter what you decide to do you, just remember that you come first and you need to make yourself happy before even considering making another person happy.

If you’ve been through a recent breakup and would like some support on getting your life back together come and join us on Shello in our ‘All the single ladies’ and ‘Relationships & Sex’ groups.